Thursday, February 10, 2011

Editorial Explanations: February 10, 2010

The editorial pages of the world's newspapers continue to feature pictures with a bewildering array of mummies, columned buildings, and funny-looking anthropomorphic elephants and donkeys. But Editorial Explanations is here to lay bare all of the secret agenda, dogwhistles, and just plain muddled concepts, in a spirit of amity and benevolence for all mankind:

John Sherffius, 2/9/11:
Ever wonder why your bathroom remodel was so expensive?

Dick Locher, 2/9/11:
Locher -- 81 and still working -- is engaging in a wee bit of generational warfare with those longhair hippie punks. What else would you expect from the longtime Dick Tracy writer/artist?

Gary Varvel, 2/10/11:
As we all know, the economy was going incredibly strongly until the unseasonable snowfalls across the country last month pummeled the unemployment rate to an incredible 383,000 last week.

Steve Kelley, 2/10/11:

Boehner's secret plan to save money on health care is to entice the nation, through his twinkly smile, uncanny tan, and copious tears, to gear up to smoking three packs a day, and then all die cleanly of emphysema.

Bill Day, 2/10/11:
Uncle Sam is inside the Tiger of Uneasy Economic Recovery, and must slide down the Tongue of Outsourcing, fight his way through the Stomach of Unfair Competition and avoid the Digestive Juices of State Communism to reach the Sphincter of Release and the light of a new stock market boom.

Steve Benson, 2/10/11:
Neil Young -- well, he's clearly riding a Crazy Horse, now, isn't he? -- is still pissed at Lynyrd Skynyrd about "Sweet Home Alabama," and has finally gone completely unhinged.

Robert Ariail, 2/10/11:
Hey, look: dominoes! Ariall's makin' like 1955 and bringing the dominoes back!

Ann Cleaves, 2/10/11:
Health care is like a ruined Greek temple, and we must tread lightly on its exposed boards, for fear of falling into the Pit of Squiggly Lines. Though, if we're smart and quick, we could jump down, get in the Dollar-Sign Car, and light off for the territory.

Randy Bish, 2/10/11:
Oh, noes! Social Security might just go bankrupt in 2037! And Congress has always been so focused on the problems of twenty-five years in the future, too!

John Cole, 2/10/11
It's fun to caricature your political enemies as fat cretins!

Clay Bennett, 2/10/11:
Boehner must hate American freedom so very, very much to keep smoking as he does.

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