Am I Now Or Have I Ever Been?

Yet another meme-list-of-questions; Janni Simner invented it, and Gwenda Bond did it in public where I could see.

1. Have you ever killed a man? I have never been convicted of a felony in New York State.

2. With your own hands? I never use my own hands.

3. What, in your opinion, is the best way to transport contraband across state and country lines? State is easy -- trucking will do for most contraband. Country lines are a bit tougher, and generally require small watercraft.

4. Even if you're transporting explosives? I do generally prefer to send nuclear material via train, but trucks are just fine for everything else.

5. Really? Have you ever known me to lie?

6. Have you ever stolen a library book? Oh, yes.

7. On purpose, or only because you found it under your bed years after you reported it lost and paid the fine? Very much on purpose. Through defenestration, actually.

8. Where were you on November 1, 2007? Wouldn't you like to know?

9. Can you prove it? No. More importantly, neither can you.

10. You had to think about that, didn't you? Not for a second.

11. How much is it worth to you for me to pretend I didn't notice? The operative question is actually how much is your life worth?

12. Have you spent years building up an immunity to iocane powder? (And if you know a faster method, will you share it?) There is no such thing as an immunity to iocane powder, only a stubbornness to accept death.

13. Name three different ways to start a fire. Matches, calling on Zeus for a lightning strike, and begging the next campsite over.

14. Now try to convince me you only know that because you were a Girl/Boy Scout/Guide once. If you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do about it.

15. How many digits of pi can you recite from memory? Five after the decimal place.

16. Did you have to count out the digits on your fingers to answer that? No.

17. Did you check online to make sure you remembered right before answering? No.

18. Does all this talk about numbers make you uncomfortable? No.

19. Or are you just wondering what it has to do with the rest of the meme? One does wonder.

20. Seriously, where did you bury the body? Burial is for amateurs.

21. Where were you on March 16, 2036? I was at the opening of the Ruckheiser Center, but I will be assassinating the Anti-Pope. By the third time around, I'll probably be in Timbuktu.

22. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too? I would have been the one who pushed them.

23. What is the ninja replacement score for your life? -1

That was more enjoyable than most...