Saturday, February 02, 2013

Distributed Egosurfing

Hey, you know what I haven't done in a long time? Checked in on the world of Andrew Wheelers, to see what my (devastatingly handsome, astonishingly accomplished, and penetratingly intelligent) compatriots are doing, around the world, to make the world more like us.

Diving gingerly into the world of Google results -- and trying to strip out personalized results as much as possible (since I know who I am) -- reveals the following amazing individuals:
  • Andrew Wheeler, the photographer based in Paris and owner of the fabled domain, leads the charge, with a homepage that hasn't changed in years (not that the keeper of this blog has any reason to complain on that score!) and a great photoshelter site full of awesome pictures that only an Andrew Wheeler could take.
  • The other photographic Andrew Wheeler -- the American with a focus on racing photography -- is still there as well, with pictures equally awesome and usually more viscerally exciting.
  • The actor Andrew Wheeler has recently worked in a bunch of TV movies, including the forthcoming Skye & Chang.
  • This very blog and my LinkedIn page come up next, making me, as far as I can tell, the fourth most famous Andrew Wheeler in the entire world.
  • The Andrew Wheeler who writes for ComicsAlliance -- the one most likely to be confused for me, and vice versa -- is a strong fifth. This comics-reviewing Andrew Wheeler is more likely to write long learned posts about X-Men than I am, and also has written books on food. He's also English, which I haven't been for a good two hundred years, at least. His Twitter handle also ranks highly in the world of Wheelers.
  • The lawyer Andrew Wheeler -- focusing on criminal law, particularly (as far as I can see) DUI cases, in the great state of Washington -- has a suspiciously tooth grin for an Andrew Wheeler, but he is a lawyer, after all. He's also the first-named partner in his law firm, once again proving how awesome all Andrew Wheelers are.
  • The only Andrew Wheeler in Wikipedia leads off the second page of Google's results; he's a professional basketballer in New Zealand, and only seems to be in Wikipedia because he hit a guy in the face with a beer bottle two years ago. (Since all Andrew Wheelers are entirely fine and upstanding citizens, I have to conclude that the other guy must have deserved it.)
  • In Washington, Andrew R. Wheeler is the one you want on your side to lobby about energy and environmental policy. (If he's the one who kept getting quoted in the news during the Bush years, I believe he's against pretty much all of those policies.)
  • Dr. Andrew Wheeler, the Irish marine geologist, is currently Vice Head of University College Cork, proving Andrew Wheelers are just as strong in academia as they are in the private sector.
  • There's a cinematographer Andrew Wheeler in LA -- his credits look to be mostly music videos and commercials so far, but it's only a matter of time before his name is splashed across the beginning of a big summer movie.
  • The architect Andrew Wheeler focuses exclusively on healthcare organizations, and I'm sure he's a wonderful person despite leading his bio with his proclivity for golf.
  • And there is, of course, an accountant Andrew Wheeler, as there must be -- he turns up in Australia, having become a partner in PwC there back in 2004.
  • The closest Andrew Wheeler physically to me is the Liberty Mutual sales rep in Connecticut. If you're looking for auto, home, or life insurance in the Nutmeg state, there couldn't be anyone better.
  • The SEO expert Andrew Wheeler shows up next, since he concentrates his efforts on his clients, instead of using his powers to pump up his own image.
  • An Andrew Wheeler is a sculptor in Oregon.
  • The other online marketing expert Andrew Wheeler -- this one based in the Midwest -- has an impressive array of expertise and responsibilities.
  • There's another Dr. Andrew Wheeler -- this one's a Lecturer in Experimental Aerodynamics at the University of Southampton, which sounds deeply cool.
  • Another Andrew Wheeler whose areas of professional interest slightly overlaps mine is the barrister of London, with a focus on fraud, compliance, and money laundering cases.
  • There an Andrew Wheeler who is Intranet Managing Editor for the company so recently named Research in Motion, who will prove to be instrumental (I'm sure) as the Blackberry 10 saves that company.
  • I wonder if this Andrew C. Wheeler -- a digital marketer for a Gannett company -- is the one I met ten-fifteen years back? (That one was married to a Mary Wheeler, whom I did business with in the large-print books line.)
  • And there are always new Andrew Wheelers coming up -- why, here's a twenty-year-old photographer.
  • Around about this point in the Google rankings, there's a whole bunch of Twitter handles and some LinkedIn profiles (and some Facebook results, but those are mostly searches). These are almost all from the fine men we've already met.
  • The Andrew Wheeler who is a fine art and paper conservator in the UK comes up next, and I'm always happy to see him -- the world needs more people who lavish attention on paper.
  • Andrew Wheeler is also Mission Pastor for St. Savior's, Guildford -- and, if anyone is up to that mission, it'll be an Andrew Wheeler.
  • I think the Andrew Wheeler at Google Ventures is the one with a bunch of patents when he was still an MIT student a few years back -- he's clearly a mover and shaker.
  • Andrew Wheeler should be your first choice if you ever need electrical work in Kings Langley, New South Wales, Australia.
  • There must be an Andrew Wheeler who is a professional bagpiper, and you may find him in Dumfries (or nearby, on his many gigs).
  • There is clearly something about the name Andrew Wheeler that makes great photographers -- here's another one, concentrating on family photos and based in Vancouver, BC.
And that's more than twenty-five Andrew Wheelers, which is probably far too many for a Saturday night. I'm sorry to see that the composer/conductor seems to have disappeared -- he was one of the top-ranking Andrew Wheelers in the early days of this blog, had what sounded like an awesome life, and was the owner of a highly impressive head of hair. But, like all Andrew Wheelers, I'm sure he's still out there, being the best at whatever it is he's doing now.

To all of the rest of you: it's true that you will never be an Andrew Wheeler, but don't despair: it is still possible to be happy in life even under that handicap. I'm sure you can do it.

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