Amazon's Gift Ideas

So Amazon sent me another e-mail -- they're so thoughtful that way, never forgetting to write like some people I could mention -- with a list of gift suggestions. Now, most people make up a list of gifts either as a wish list -- for themselves -- or as suggestions of nice things you could buy the people you already know. But Amazon is a bit different: they don't want gifts themselves, selfless folks that they are; they just want you to buy things from them.

They sent me a list of ten items, and I won't list them all here. But I will share with you some of the more interesting things Amazon thinks would make good gifts this year:

for your loutish nephew, how about...


for your aunt who's tired of Riverdance and Celtic Woman, and is just looking for another vaguely classical, nonthreatening musical hunk of schmaltz to swoon over for the next year...


for that special, caffeine-crazed loner we all know...


for anyone who needs the message, "No offense, but your teeth really stink"....


and, lastly, for the child you desperately hope will support you in your old age with what you're sure are dazzling musical skills...