Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies? by Mitchell Symons

This book worked. No matter what else I might say about it, that's first -- it's got a great title, and an eye-catching cover, and that got me to plop down my money for it.

I could claim that I got this book because I knew Symons from his This Book... series of trivia collections -- and that's not actually untrue -- but I think both you and I know that it was primarily prurient interest that led me to pick this up off of the shelf. It looked thrillingly naughty, and it ensnared me.

Unfortunately, it's only mildly naughty (or thrilling, for that matter); Symons is at pains to remind the reader, over and over again, that he's a boring middle-aged married guy who doesn't know anything about any of these questions personally. (And he only seems to have two or three friends he can ask, despite his claims to have a wide and deep knowledge-base to draw from.) There's something quintessentially English about his stance -- he may be writing a book about sex, but, by Jingo!, he's no expert in the subject!

Books on esoteric topics -- and particularly those related to sex -- can easily fall into one of two categories: the expert who knows all the squishy bits about the subject but is a clumsy writer, and the pro writer who loudly makes it clear that this is all (forgive the pun) virgin territory to him. Symons doesn't play the faux-naif quite as strongly as Ayn Carillo-Gailey did in Porn*ol*o*gy, but he does protest far too much. (He signed a contract to write a book all about sex, called up all of his friends to ask them questions about sex, and then claims he isn't all that interested in sex? Pull the other one, Mitchell; it's got bells on it.)

Nudists is a series of questions and answers -- and fairly superficial ones, at that -- about sex and sexuality. A few examples:

• "What's So Big (and Clever) About Bigamy?"
• "Do Gays Talk Like Gays Because They're Gays or Do They Become Gays Because They Talk Like Gays?"
• "Can You Get Pregnant If You Have Sex Standing Up?"
• "What Do They Call a Brazillian Bikini Wax in Brazil?"
• "Has Any Man Ever Gone to a Prostitute and Found Someone He Knew?"

As you can see, they're fairly low-level sex questions, and there's a very British emphasis on propriety and embarrassment. Symons doesn't do a whole lot of research on any of these topics, and gets to the bottom of only about half of them. (The others lead him to throw up his hands, make a vague conclusion, and move on to the next thing.) I would strongly recommend not using this book as any kind of serious reference, but it is a quick, amusing read for those who are fascinated with the subject (like me and Symons).