Competitive Physics

I spent the day at BEA, and may write a bit about that tomorrow. But, for today, I'm tired. So, instead, I reached into the vaults for this bit of frivolity. It had very little to do with the thread on the Straight Dope Message Board in which it appeared in 2000, and it has even less to do with whatever posts will surround it here. But I wrote it, and I still think it's funny, so...

[voiceover]
Hello and welcome to the 2000 Niels Bohr Open. It's a sunny day here in Los Alamos, where thirty of the world's top physicists have gathered to compete for the most coveted award in all science: The Golden TOE.

First up will be Tsatsumaya, from Case Western. He's chosen a very difficult opening, the Kip Thorne superstring variation, but he looks to be in good form. His arm is racing across the whiteboard, but wait! Oh, no -- he can't cancel the infinities! And Tsatsumaya is out of the competition!

Next up will be Jorgensen of Caltech, but first, a word from GE...