Think About Your Father For the Five Minutes It Takes To Send Him a Gift Card Electronically

And it could be even quicker if you're notably decisive, have zippy fingers, or have turned on "1-click"!

Let's face it, Father's Day only exists because greeting-card companies saw their Mother's Day profits and got greedy. I'm not going to say I'm against it -- I hope to lounge in bed and not do anything substantial this coming Sunday, after all -- but it's not one of your more important holidays. And we generally acknowledge that: there's no substantial market for complicated, expensive Father's Day gifts, because, as we all know from popular culture, all fathers are rude, stupid and uncultured buffoons who don't appreciate anything or understand anything more elevated than college basketball.

So there's no reason not to go with the quickest, easiest, most mindless option -- if you've decided to give your father anything at all. And that's where Amazon comes in: they give you the opportunity to say to Dear ol' Dad: "Pops, I know you must want something, and I bet Amazon sells it. But I don't know, nor do I care, what that actual thing is. So buy yourself a gift, and pretend it came from me. Oh, and let me talk to Ma, again."

Amazon accomplishes this through their amazing Gift Cards, which I will encapsulate in the below banner, because I love you all dearly:

Please note that Gift Cards are suitable for all mindless gift-giving occasions, and not just Father's Day; they're available any time you want to say "Hey! At least I gave you something."

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Listening to: Elvis Costello - Battered Old Bird
via FoxyTunes