Editorial Explanations: February 9, 2010

Looks like there's a bumper crop of confusing and bizarre editorial cartoons today, as the nation's overworked cartoonists shuffle through their mid-week doldrums just like the rest of us. Here's what they would say, if they were just a little bit clearer:

Dick Locher, 2/8/11:
Locher has a sunny, positive view of American politics, one in which Republicans and Democrats would work together to forge a better tomorrow...if only they weren't in the world's most depressing mall.

Jerry Holbert, 2/8/11:
Holbert, on the other hand, is just itching to unleash a plague of blood. On anyone.

Chuck Asay, 2/8/11:
Asay is shocked, shocked! that politicians ever go back and pass new laws that modify old ones. In other news, Asay wonders why the Younger Generation has such disrespect for the Code of Hammurabi.

Matt Davies, 2/8/11:
Businesses would really rather avoid having any rules whatsoever, if they have any say about it. Also, substituting "commas" for "commerce" is officially The Lamest Pun Ever.

Angelo Lopez, 2/9/11:
Conservative cartoonists may be mean-spirited, cruel, vindictive, overly personal and pessimistic to the point of suicide, yes. But liberal cartoonists are sappy and dull.

David Cohen, 2/9/11:
Sorry, I take that back. Liberal cartoonists can be both mean-spirited and dull!

Chan Lowe, 2/9/11:
Liberals are all secretly masochists, and crave the scorning attention of their enemies. Also, they wear fabulous purple outfits.

Paul Fell, 2/9/11:
The thing to do when gas prices inexorably rise is to increase public transit funding! No? OK, the thing to do when gas prices inexorably rise is to rationally switch to economical hybrids! Not that, either? Um, all right: the thing to do when gas prices inexorably rise is to complain loudly and not do anything about it!

Jim Morin, 2/9/11:
Hans und Fritz are alive and well -- for a few more seconds, at least -- in Florida.

V.C. Rogers, 2/9/11:
Bill's looking pretty off-model in panel four, isn't he? I think that's actually one of those sneaky interjections trying to scoot by Mr. Baldy McTable there.

Clay Bennett, 2/9/11:
If you're going to pick on a nation-famous personality, you need to do a better caricature than that.

Mike Keefe, 2/9/11:
Anthropomorphic elephants have really weirdly proportioned arms, which, sadly, prevent them from brandishing firearms for themselves. To compensate, they form commensal relationships with local NRA yellow-shirts, whose similar but distinctive disfigurements are deeply attractive to the GOP.

Scott Stantis, 2/9/11:
The Chinese are a crafty and wily people, always looking to save a penny. Also, the whole torture thing.

Lisa Benson, 2/9/11:
You make one little spill and suddenly everybody's all up in your face, man. We be drillin'; they be hatin'.

Bruce Plante, 2/9/11:
Heterosexual couples all secretly hate each other. No exceptions.

Jeff Stahler, 2/9/11:
Local politicians are fumble-fingered imbeciles who would eat paste if you let them.

Chuck Asay, 2/9/11:
The US government could save vastly more by cutting off Planned Parenthood (app. $350 million) than by poking at the defense budget ($689 billion) or the extensive Direct Payments to Old People programs ($1.4 trillion).

Steve Benson, 2/9/11:
Squinky Carter eyes and toothy Carter grin, huge Clintonian poof of white hair...which president is this supposed to be, anyway? And who gets credit for birthdays after he dies, anyway? By that count, William Henry Harrison is 238 today. Yahoo, Willie Hank!

Bob Gorrell, 2/9/11:
Those people are filthy peasants in ideological thrall to a foreign religious leader -- and that's why you should vote against John Fitzgerald Kennedy!