A Modest Proposal

Since it's obvious that "those bastards" at the Hugo Awards can never be taken seriously until they reach exact gender equity, there is clearly only one thing to do:

We must demand that all nominations and votes for men (or productions created mostly by men) are discarded until women have won as many Hugo Awards as men have. No, strike that. Since women are clearly and obviously superior beings, until women have won twice as many Hugo Awards as men have. It's too late to fix the ballot for Nippon 2007, so we'll have to demand that the Hugos not be awarded at all this year. It's much better that way. We simply can't allow any more Hugos to go to men until this shocking situation is remedied.

Starting with the next nomination cycle, for the 2008 Hugos, only women and women-created productions can be eligible for the Hugos. Any votes for men, even really sensitive and nice guys who have won Tiptree Awards and have otherwise proved themselves, must be discarded. This shall continue until women have won the necessary number of Hugos, and the universe has been put into its rightful balance.

After that, "those bastards" will have to be closely watched, to be sure they don't backslide into their evil patriarchal ways of letting people vote for the things they liked best. We propose that, in every category, there shall be six nominees -- the top three female nominees, and the top three male nominees. It may also be necessary for votes for females to be weighed more heavily in the final round, if women do not win the awards in the correct numbers. Remember: there can be no excuse for letting men win awards!

This may seem heavy-handed, but, if the people who actually spend the time to nominate and vote for an award won't do things The Right Way, then those who know better will have to do it for them. We are sure that, eventually, they will come to love Big Sister.

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