Speaking of Valentine's Day...

Amazon can also sell you gift cards, if you desperately need to get a gift for someone and the old standbys (flowers, chocolate, adult "novelties," unfeasible underwear) are unavailable or inappropriate. Sure, you'll look like a dork -- particularly if you hand your inamorata [1] a print-out that's still warm from the toner -- but you might manage to avoid being stuck by heavy household objects and/or costly divorce proceedings.

If that scenario describes you -- you poor sad shadow of a human being, you -- click on the below banner to salvage what you can from the twisted wreckage of what you used to call a life.


[1] What's the masculine equivalent of inamorata, anyway? Inamoratus?