Friday, February 17, 2006

Making Fun of Fantasy Novels, Part Two

It's a slow day here at SFBC World HQ (a majestic spire high above New York's Madison Square Park), and that means that there aren't enough fantasy novels out there. So let's make up some, with the aid of the handy-dandy Fantasy Novel Title Generator:
  • Autumn's Darkness
    First in the four-book "Mystic Seasons of Zan-Thenos," to be followed by Winter's Curse, Spring's Promise and Summer's Light
  • Bloody Child of Zwidiel
    The longest fantasy series ever begins with an 800-page novel about the day Kal Kelkiar was born.
  • Circle of the Winter Maiden
    It's Celtic, probably contemporary, and I'll bet a dollar someone turns out to be a long-lost elf-lord.
  • Citadel of Pride
    The land of Dandaritiva, when men are free to marry other men under the rule of Good Prince TomSwede, is under attack from the vicious forces of the Replikan Empire.
  • Fire City of Dogwyn
    Only in the walled city of Dogwyn is the ancient fire magic still practiced, so it is there that young Undarquel, the last of the Tehlbots, must go to train his wild talents.
  • Pronius's Autumn
    Latest in the massively popular series about the kindly wizard, who seemed incredibly aged twenty-four books ago but whose author can't quite let him die yet until he pays for the lute-shaped swimming pool.
  • The Enitios Dream
    Is their dream our reality -- or is the truth even more horrifying!?
  • The Lady of the Mistress
    Wacky hijinks ensure when a spell of forgetfulness descends on Castle Humblepie, and King Jarthar can't remember which of his two lovely ladies is his wife and which is his secret lover -- and neither can they!
  • The Nirtick Dream
    The Nirtick are the previously unknown, and even nastier, master race behind the Enitios incursion in this second book in the internationally ignored "Dream" series.
  • Wizard and Mists
    Yarmalok was the greatest Cloudmage of his age, but his talents were still only good for party tricks and aerial advertising. But then the Nirtick invaded!
All titles guaranteed authentic and purely random; all plots guaranteed to be no stupider than they needed to be.

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